After reading this narrative once, I was impressed by "his" creativity. I believe that this paper has the potential to become a strong piece of work. The plot twists were captivating. Also, the descriptive writing caught me completely. I felt like I was in the abandoned hospital with them. It takes some kind of natural talent to be able to write descriptively without giving too much or too little detail.
I gathered my initial thoughts, and then went back and read the paper again, but this time with a pen in my hand. I found numerous mistakes with the grammar, tense, and the speaking voice. Throughout the paper I found inconsistencies. However, those are all cosmetic things that can be pointed out and fixed. To me it doesn't detract from the creativity of the paper. Being in high school this is an impressive paper, and given enough training, I think this writer could go very far.
The training is our part, it is our job to take this first draft, and this natural talent, and help to mold it and let it grow. Too many times, teachers get caught in the technical part of writing, but I think it is so much more important to foster this imagination, and see where it could lead the student.
Overall, it truly has some cosmetic issues that need to be addressed, but in the big scheme of things, I thought it was a very striking and extraordinary paper. I even said to my group when we were going over this paper in class that I could see the author being a playwright one day. He has the skills to grab and hold attention and has a flare for the dramatic.
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I completely agree! I see true potential in Jeremy’s story. Like I mentioned in my post, I do not have a lot of high school writing to compare his story too, but the creativity and structure truly impressed me. He has a great start here and with some simple revision could really make this a very creative and spooky Gothic story.
As far as his grammatical errors, I agree that they are all very fixable. He has the structure and ideas; all he needs is to make the language flow and to correct some simple grammatical errors. I was pleased with his paper and would be very excited to see his next draft!
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