Spook-tacular Tale: Writing Conference

Jeremy’s paper is very well written. He is clearly an accomplished student and has had good writing instruction. He has an imagination like no other. The Gothic tale is classic for haunted stories, but his eloquent language gives way to a true writer. It is obvious that his imagination is
When reading this for the first time on Monday, I was unsure of what level Jeremy was at. I was also unsure if this was a first draft or where he was in the drafting/revision process. He was not consistent with his errors, he might have used the correct tense in one sentence and than use a different tense in the next. This made me question if he was unsure of the rule associated with the tense or if he was just being lazy/ writing in his register.
I really enjoyed how he used a lot of alliteration and imagery though out the piece. I could see the story unfolding before my eyes.
If I were to conference this piece with Jeremy I would suggest three things. First, I would have him look at the events in the story and see if he though that the story was in chronological order. Does the plot make sense? Is there a rising action, climax, and falling action? Is the story to long and drawn out? Second, I would ask him, how can you make this story more realistic? What parts seem to be a little far fetched? Third, I would ask him about his audience. Who is his target audience, and what is his purpose in writing to this audience?
With these three suggestions I would finish the conference by having him tell me what he particularly liked about the piece and what he thinks he can improve upon.
After he specfically points out 1 postive and 1 negative part, I would ask him if he had any questions for me as his reader. Maybe I did not cover a point in his paper that he though was particuallary important to him, like how he has three endings. This could have a signaticant meaning, but as the reader I am unsure.
Over all, I would have him contiune to edit this piece until it was publishable.