I agree with pretty much everything Melanie says here. I guess as I was reading the story, I either didn't know or had forgotten that this student is an 11th grader. With this knowledge in mind, I suppose a higher level of writing should be expected. I think what really struck me was his creativity, and it must have distracted me from all of his other errors. Yes, it was hard to follow at times, but it still was relatively interesting.
As a first draft, this piece is great. There is plenty to work with and develop (and cut out). He did seem to have a hard time switching between characters, like Melanie said, and he used numerous words incorrectly, which, for an 11th grader, is a little worrisome. However, returning to Melanie's comment, a good bit of my response depends on his level as a writer. Should we expect more from him? Or should we be content that he even turned in an assignment and a four page one at that? Obviously we cannot overlook the copious errors in his writing, but I do believe Melanie is right when she brings up the important issue of knowing at what level the writer is and then determining a response using that knowledge.
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