Overall, I thought Jeremy had some pretty great ideas about his story. Something to this affect could really be made into a scary movie. It may be a corny horror movie, but still movie worthy. Jeremy's creativity really shone throughout the story, well until we realize it's all just a dream. The first step to becoming a good writer is to have the story. For me, coming up with what I want to say is the most difficult part of writing. Although I thought Jeremy had some great ideas, there were some grammatical errors throughout the writing. Because of the vast grammatical errors, I thought Jeremy was in middle school (until I looked up at the top of the paper and saw that he was in 11th grade, I guess I have high expectations).
This paper looks like a really strong first draft. The ideas are there and it seems like Jeremy was very interested in the idea of writing a Gothic short story. When discussing this paper in my group, I was informed that in Tallahassee there really was a "haunted" hospital on Blairstone Rd. I think that using these well known ideas and making them his own was Jeremy's strongest point. Jeremy took something he knew a lot about and used his creativity to make it his own scary story. Though Jeremy used this creativity to make a pretty good story, I do have some questions about his story line. For example, why did people start flying away? How did the street become very cold and dark all of a sudden? How did Lisa fly away when they were inside? Why did it end with a dream? I think ending this story with a dream was Jeremy's greatest downfall. The story just seemed to stop, as if he ran out of time.
There were grammatical errors, but those can be focused on with the second draft. I want to say how great of a writing topic this was. Especially to give to student around Halloween, I think they can really get into it. When at FSUS last week my writing partner actually was talking to me about a short scary story they were assigned to write for class and how much she loved it. I was extremely surprised to hear this because my student told me she hates school and hates writing. It just goes to show how a great topic can get students into their writing assignments and actually enjoy it.
1 comment:
I agree, this did remind me of a corny horror movie!! Middle school did sound about right for this as well… it was creative, but a bit juvenile for high school level students. I would consider it a first draft. It is funny that you mentioned the hospital on Blairstone Rd. I am indeed one of the lame individuals that as a freshman just HAD TO GO THERE!! The questions you posed are very similar to mine as well. The main reason I posted on your response, quit frankly, is become my feelings are very similar.
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