A Gothic Short Story...

I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised with Jeremy’s story. Having not worked with many high school writers thus far, the only work I have to compare his story to is my tenth grade writing partner from FSUS. Comparatively speaking, Jeremy’s story was well organized, very creative, and captured his Gothic theme very well. I thought Jeremy did a good job of describing the setting and capturing the eerie feel his Gothic theme would suggest. Jeremy used very descriptive words and wasn’t afraid to experiment with his writing. His experiments were effective in some places and lost in others, but I was impressed that he stepped outside the box of the typical Gothic horror story.

Although this is a great first draft of Jeremy’s story, there are a few areas of the story that need clarification. For example, starting on page four Jeremy escapes his first nightmare and wakes up in another, at least that’s what I think happened! This is an interesting twist and could make the big reveal at the end even more shocking. Jeremy should rewrite, focus, and further explain this section of this story so that it remains a mystery but still fits into the flow of the story. Speaking of mystery, I love the fact that his friends disappear, but where to they go? It was frustrating to finish the story and have so many loose ends. This would suggest that Jeremy did not do much prewriting and relied on his creativity to work through the paper. Now that he has written a first draft, I would have Jeremy outline his story so he could follow the chain of events and make the appropriate adjustments needed to clarify the story, leaving no questions unanswered.

Jeremy does need some help in the grammar department. Although, I feel Jeremy’s mistakes are a prime case for teaching grammar in context. A quick refresher course at the beginning of class on comma usage or the persuasive apostrophe could make a world of difference for Jeremy. The entire class could benefit, and using examples from student work really makes the material relevant to their personal writing.

P.S. He needs a catchy title!!!