Just in time for the Halloween festivities, our anonymous student writer has crafted a tale of detailed horror and sheer lack of proofreading. During my second reading of the paper, I tried to determine how I would address "Jeremy" if I were to have an FSUS type student conference with him. First off, I would have him read his work out loud to me. I think many of the grammatical errors could be solved if he took the time to reread what he had written. Also, his reading would refresh my mind on what I wanted to address with him. Next, I would tell him that he is a strong writer, and its true. He included many literary techniques that make his paper sparkle, he has alliteration, "pulled her pigtail and pleaded," foreshadowing and great word choice. Not to mention his post-modernistic defiance of the point of view conventions. He changes several times between third person omnipotent and first person. Honestly, I think that if he curtailed some personal pronouns and made his language clearer, this technique could work.
After complementing Jeremy, we would then begin to discuss some structural issues. I would really like him to find his grammatical equivocations so that I do not give off the vibe of tearing his paper apart. Another aspect that I considered while reading his paper is that Jeremy could possibly be an ELL student. Some passages seem like he took a thesaurus and changed words without being aware of the meaning, "people say we resemble" (3). Therefore, I think Jeremy needs a great amount of congratulations and encouragement for writing in a non-native language.
All in all, for our anonymous ELL student, I think this paper has potential. In the final minutes of the conference, I would encourage Jeremy to continue polishing his paper. As we all know, "writing is never finished, just abandoned."
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I thought the same thing about the literary devices that "Jeremy" uses. He shows his command for the English language through theuse of vivid detail and strong descriptions. He shows rather than tells. I'm not sure if I think he's an ELL student (though I think the way you ended your post so matter-of-factly that he is is hilarious!), because of the fact that he is able to use English so well. I stay firm in the belief that what we've read is a first draft because I feel like a student who is obviously so aware of what he is doing with language would also be aware of punctuation/grammar rules.
Also, I think that having the student read his work alound to you is a brilliant idea because it causes them to catch their own mistakes before you tell them what they've done wrong. I used this tactic with my FSUS student and it worked wonderfully.
Just in time for Halloween, and Jeremy still has three days to proofread!!
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