I was very impressed when I read this story. The amount of detail and creativity the author used really surprised me. I was not expecting the story to be as interesting as it actually was. The author really kept me guessing until the end. I know I'm kind of a wimp, but parts of it were actually kind of eerie!
For the most part, Jeremy's organization was fairly good. Some of his paragraphs went on too long, but his main ideas seemed to flow in a pretty decent chronological order. I did get a little confused with his switching back and forth between characters.
I also was impressed by the length of this story. I'm guessing that as Jeremy was writing, he started getting really excited about each scene, and before he realized it, he'd written four pages! For me, reading this story further goes to show that if students have an interesting topic that they love, they will write more and with more enthusiasm. I could just be over analyzing Jeremy's paper, but I got the idea that he had a great time writing it, based solely on the length of the story, and the somewhat random tangents he went on.
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I couldn't agree more with Jenna's response to Jeremy's writing. I too felt the sense of excitement as Jeremy dove into the topic with such intense details. (And don't worry, I got the chills a few times, too when I was reading the story!) I think that your concluding point is something so important for all future teachers to remember--when students have something interesting to write about, they can do it with a passion you wouldn't expect in a sixteen year old boy.
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